FCDC Pride Month Special Month with Chima Mmeje

Chima Mmeje Pride Month

Episode Summary

 

Happy Pride Month! 🏳️‍🌈

 

Throughout this month, the FCDC is excited to shine a spotlight on our incredible queer members, as we delve into their inspiring journeys of self-acceptance.

 

For our final episode from the FCDC pride month special, we spoke to our Founder and SEO content writer, Chima Mmeje.

 

This conversation sheds light on the personal journey of self-acceptance, the empowering nature of Pride events, the challenges faced by the LGBTQ+ community in Nigeria, and the importance of pursuing happiness and authenticity even if it means leaving one’s home country.

 

**Huge thank you to the awesome folks at Top of the Funnel for sponsoring this episode and making the FCDC pride month specials possible!**

 

Join Top Of The Funnel for FREE and get actionable tips, strategies, and opportunities from world-class content marketers!

 

 

Guest Profile

 

🌈Name: Chima Mmeje

👩🏾‍🦱 Pronouns: she/her

🌈What Chima Does: Chima is the founder of Zenith Copy.

🌈Company: Zenith Copy

🌈Noteworthy: Chima runs the Freelance Coalition for Developing Countries.  She also created The 10x Topic Authority Course for freelance writers wanting to take their professional skills to the next level.

 

Key Insights.

💡The underground nature of the queer scene in Nigeria.

 

Chima explains that the queer scene in Nigeria is underground, similar to mother developing countries. Queer people have to find small communities and WhatsApp groups to connect with others who are like them.

 

It can be challenging for individuals who don’t know anyone in the community, as they have to rely on personal connections to gain access to meetups and events.

 

💡Constant process of coming out.

 

Chima emphasizes that coming out is not a one-time event but a continuous process. Queer individuals have to come out to new people throughout their lives.

 

She compares it to the movie “The Greatest Showman,” where the characters faced persecution but still lived authentically. Chima questioned whether she wants to hide her true self to protect others and decided to live as authentically as possible.

 

💡Self-discovery and acceptance through Religion.

 

Chima states that her journey of self-discovery and acceptance was not influenced by books, movies, or art. Instead, it was a personal and religious journey.

 

She shares her struggle to reconcile her Christian faith with her queerness, mentioning that leaning into her religious beliefs and finding her own connection with God has helped her.

 

💡Advise for folks struggling to come to terms with their identity

 

Chima reflects on the coping mechanisms for individuals struggling to come to terms with their sexual orientation or gender identity in Nigeria.

 

She suggests introspection as a helpful tool, urging individuals to ask themselves difficult questions and determine whether their feelings and experiences are authentic or merely experimentation.

 

She acknowledges that limited options and societal pressures often lead bisexual and queer individuals to date the opposite sex, which may seem easier and more socially acceptable. However, if introspection reveals a genuine attraction to same-sex or non-binary individuals.

 

Chima advises considering leaving Nigeria as a necessary step to explore and embrace one’s true self. She emphasizes the importance of not compromising one’s happiness and highlights the struggles faced by many queer people who end up in heterosexual marriages to please their families.

 

Episode Highlights.

Leaving the Catholic Church

 

Chima mentions that she used to be Catholic but grew dissatisfied with the church’s views on certain issues like homosexuality, divorce, etc.

 

She felt the need to find her own connection with God and explore her faith independently. As a result, she left the Catholic Church and now participates in online church services.

 

The Significance of Pride Month and Hope for the Queer Community

Chima Mmeje expresses her initial apathy towards Pride Month and other dedicated months or events like Women’s Month or Black History Month. She believes that the need for such celebrations indicates that there is still a long way to go in achieving equality and acceptance.

 

However, she shares that she has started feeling the spirit of Pride and finds hope in it for the first time. Being in a country where she can live her life authentically and openly, without fear of judgment or harm, has contributed to her newfound hope. Pride, to her, represents hope, freedom, and the opportunity to have choices in life.

 

Connect with Chima

 

Episode Transcriptions

 

jadesola kareem 0:06

Okay, okay, so hi everyone that is watching. So this is another episode of the Pride series. And this time around I’m the one who is interviewing normally is usually Chima, but this time around I wanted to spotlight Chima, I understand her story and her journey as a queer person. So firstly, Chima I don’t know do you want to introduce yourself or I should.

 

Chima Mmeje 0:33

Yeah, usually when I start, I always ask people to like, pronounce their names. Because even when they tell me, it’s always better coming from the person’s mouth. So yes, my name is Chima Mmeje. That is my name.

 

jadesola kareem 0:47

Okay, so Chima is the founder of the FCDC. She’s also an SEO content writer. So I feel like I’ll just get into it.

 

Chima Mmeje 0:56

So yes, please.

 

jadesola kareem 0:58

Yes. For those who don’t live in Nigeria who are watching. Would you like give, like an overview of the queer scene in Nigeria? Like what is like in Nigeria?

 

Chima Mmeje 1:10

Yes. Okay. That’s it. That’s okay. What’s the question like in Nigeria? is like the question in Nigeria is like, the question in almost every developed developing country where queer people can’t be seen, so it’s very underground. Yeah, it’s very, like you’re trying to find friends.

 

You have to find WhatsApp groups, you know, small, tiny communities where you can meet other people who are like you, which is always hard. If you don’t know anybody. I just like coming out for the first time. It’s very underground. It’s very underground, the passes, the meetups, everything is over. You’re on the ground. Everything is very cool there to protect the identity of people.

 

But it’s also very lively. It’s amazing. Lagos especially has been, has been like, well, actually rejuvenated recently, the queer scene in Lagos has been insanely amazing the past couple of years. And Abuja is also doing great. So those are like, I would say, those are the two big cities for queer communities. So everybody seems to kind of like move to those places, because they have thriving queer community. So it’s, it’s great, but it’s underground.

 

jadesola kareem 2:17

Okay, so it’s like a coded thing.

 

Chima Mmeje 2:18

Yes, exactly. The kind of use the kind of you need to know somebody who is in there. So that you start getting invited to the meetups and events and all of all that if you don’t have anybody, you just feel isolated is the kind of thing that you definitely need to know. So to get in, okay, well,

 

jadesola kareem 2:37

okay, so now let’s talk about you like your own journey. So like, how was how did you know you were queer? Like, what? What were you realise you’re queer? How was coming out to your family? coworkers? Yeah.

 

Chima Mmeje 2:53

So I’ve always know I was queer. I liked girls, when I was five years old. It was never like something I did not know. It’s something that that I’ve always known as a part of myself. I like girls, so I identify as bisexual. And I didn’t even know I like boys or men until I was 16.

 

But I’m at a stage now, where I only want to date women, because I only want to marry a woman that has been a decision that I’ve known, like forever, so even while I’m bisexual, and more attracted to women than men. And I knew that when I was five years old, and coming out. The crazy thing about being queer is that you never actually stopped coming out.

 

You’re constantly coming out, you come out to new people, every single time for the rest of your life. So I just watched this movie called The Greatest showmen hadn’t done where they’ve serious impact on me.

 

And I saw these people that were like inspite of relaxing what are called persecution, they were living their best lives, they managed to turn a really bad situation around and that kind of like motivated me and I ask myself, do I want to leave in the shadows protecting my parents who will eventually die, but that’s my uncles and Auntie’s who will die protecting my siblings who will die protecting people that will eventually die, and then I’ll replace them with new people, probably their children, and be stuck in an unhappy marriage with one life that I have to leave and I’m like, Nah, that’s not what I want to do. I want to leave as authentically as possible.

 

So I, I came out first, my younger sister, and she was like, oh, okay, I didn’t know your bi, I thought you are a lesbian. Okay. And she kept Oh, and then I came out everybody else’s to me. I came I don’t I think I came out on Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, I just delete WhatsApp, instead of talking to one by one. And then I think my friends knew because once I put it out there everybody kind of knew and I was very lucky in the sense that my siblings were amazing. My sisters took it well.

 

My friends the call my friends took it well, and it’s up to them. Also talk to my nephew up I’ll who was very young, just make sure that he’s aware and he grows up into an adult who is will I say friendly, who is queer friendly. And he knows that at least it’s something he can talk about.

 

And I came out to my mom last year, and she took it well, too. So I have been very lucky in that aspects. There hasn’t really been like, negative or like, I haven’t faced any persecution, like many people, when I was in Nigeria, I was out in Nigeria for like, three years. And I was still able to, like, feel safe enough, for the most part, so I was very lucky.

 

jadesola kareem 5:32

Wow. Okay. So even your co workers,

 

Chima Mmeje 5:35

like, oh, yeah, I think I think there was one of my co workers in my office, I knew, because he follows me on Facebook. There’s another of my colleagues that know, because we’re close at the time. And his best friend was also gay. So that kind of like brought us together.

 

Yeah, not like all my colleagues in the office, because there are places I was looking at Gwagwalada Area Council. I’ve seen that now because I’m twice I have quit. And if no one would have said, Yes. It’s not the kind of place where you’re working and you’re telling everybody, everybody that I was the only Christian in my office, I was the only female in my office.

 

Everybody else was like this older generation men from who like what, 45, 50, 60 you know, older people that are not people that would Yes, I will be exposed will be okay with something like that. So you have to be very careful where you let that kind of information out.

 

jadesola kareem 6:30

Okay. Okay. So like you mentioned, you’re on social media, you’re out on social media, you don’t really have anything to hide, you have the rainbow flag, in your name safe, so you don’t have anything to hide.

 

So like, did you ever get any backlash because Nigerians with either issues? You don’t have any small thing? They will just like to attack somebody if they see that Flag? So did you ever face any backlash? Oh,

 

Chima Mmeje 6:52

I haven’t actually like not. I think once there was a couple of times on LinkedIn, and it wasn’t even an engineer on Twitter. It was white people, white men, white men and boys, just ignorable. I don’t know, I think have a tough skin when grew up in some rough parts of Lagos, things like that. Like the Sibley preserve kind of thing that will affect me. So it was very minute.

 

But for most parts No, I haven’t really faced social media bullying or anything like that. But I knew that is because I feel awkward to dealing with it. I think the thing is that I’ve been very careful to correct my feed. I’ve been very careful. I think it’s something that most people should practice.

 

If you create your feed, then you are exposed to certain things and certain things are exposed to you and nobody’s going to like see your contact data. See, I also have a very mean personnel line. I’m very middle line. I’m just kind of take no prisoners. Like if you come at me, I will give you 10 gbas gbos. That is who I am. I am very mean. And I think that scares people, because I’m not the kind of person who would be like, slapped me on this that allows don’t let us speak

 

No, I will put you in a chokehold. And forget you or something. That is my online persona. I have a very, very scary line I, I do not take kindly to bullying or being put in a corner. So I think that part of me that is terrifying to people, kind of like makes everybody’s behaviour after of that on Twitter.

 

Yeah, it’s been cool on Twitter, but I know that it exists. I’ve seen it when I see other queer women or queer men posting content, half of it is good people. Half of it is assholes responding. But again, I think I’ve been very, very lucky. I keep using that word. I’ve been very lucky that I haven’t faced any of that.

 

jadesola kareem 8:36

Okay, that’s really good to hear. Yeah, like, you already mentioned dictatorship. And so like others ask, like in your journey, so what like self discovery and acceptance? What are the like books movies, like, form of art that made you also like, you know, essentially discover yourself

 

Chima Mmeje 8:57

nothing, none of those none of my book, please. There was no book there’s nothing else to just honestly just be tissue man. And I’m a very religious person. So the other thing was leaning into that, because I’ve always struggled to like connect this to the part of me that is a Christian and part of me that is queer. Because in Nigeria and in most of the world, it’s supposed to be like this.

 

Look at my hand, is supposed to be like this. It’s not supposed to be like this. So I wanted to go from this to this and finding a way to make that happen with religion and being queer was actually what helped me to accept myself going on will I call it a religious journey or 2017 in 2017 rather, really, really helped me to accept myself and was accepted the part of me that is both queer and Christian, accepted everything else.

 

jadesola kareem 9:49

Okay, so I was asked about that so like do you Are you Catholic or Pentecostant?

 

Chima Mmeje 9:56

used to be Catholic. I was Catholic when I when I came out I was Catholic when accepted. myself for the Catholic Church didn’t really have anything to do with it. It was more of me going on a personal journey, because that’s something I think is so important.

 

You need to find God for yourself. Sorry, I’m going religious, were able to find God for yourself. You need to find religion for yourself. That is the only way that it works that is authentic, and then it becomes personal. So even though I was still a Catholic at the time, the Catholic Church had nothing to do with it.

 

And in fact, I started to grow dissatisfied with the Catholic Church, because I was sitting in church and I will hear priests talking about how gay people are going to help divorced people are going to help people who commit abortion are going to heal, and I am pro abortion. I am pro divorce for women who are in unhappy marriages.

 

I am, I am pro a lot of things that the Catholic Church is against. So there was just so much dissatisfaction and one of the things I did within six months of leaving Nigeria, was leaving the Catholic Church. I haven’t gone to like a physical church. So I kind of do online because that is what I can handle the church. Yeah, it can be very problematic.

 

jadesola kareem 10:56

Okay, so like, I wanted to ask about, like, education and the church, like, is there any cause like, I’ve seen, like a few American films where like, the pastor would be gay or something like that, and whatnot. So do you feel like there’s anything like in terms of education on the church that can be done to change the way people see like queer queerness, you know, yeah,

 

Chima Mmeje 11:23

yes, that’s, that’s a that’s a fantastic, fantastic question. I think we have so much to do in terms of changing mindsets. Really just be just people mindset. And that definitely begins with leadership. So aglican church, I think there are a few other churches that are doing a great job of being accepting of queer people, they have queer preachers, they are quite impressed.

 

Yeah, there are a few examples of those when you see people in leadership, who are just like que changes everything. It changes everything. So definitely, regarding education, I don’t even know if there is okay. Yes, yes, there are some educational materials that is just about being queer and accepting yourself as a Christian, but there is no additional material that will be as strong or have the kind of impact of seeing somebody who is like you in a leadership position. So having an Anglican priest who is gay is definitely more powerful than any educational material that is going to be there for an Anglican were Christian.

 

So it’s a mix of the two, having those resources that you can lean on which they’re not really out there if I’m being honest, because I will come across it in a lot of questions as I go. So I’m thinking about now a lot of questions as I go to blooming you have a lot of materials about Christianity and Christianity and queerness.

 

So yes, that means that there’s still a lot of work that can be done around that one material on helping you align both sides, accepting yourself as a Christian to answering the common questions that were Christian usually have stuff like, Does God love me? Am I going to hell, you know, things like that.

 

jadesola kareem 13:11

Yeah. Okay, that’s good. So I wish there were more resources out there for people like that. Yeah, yes. Yes. So now I want to kind of talk about privilege because I don’t know if it’s just me, I feel like queer women are more accepted in society even using Nigeria, man.

 

Oh, a is so like, what’s this even what’s you know? Like, I think they fantasise about like queer women. But when it comes to queer men, it’s a different story or trans people watch on is a different story. So what are your thoughts on that you’ve like this, like it says, In privilege there, especially

 

Chima Mmeje 13:50

privilege is not privilege. Privilege to be having an advantage that doesn’t really give you an advantage. It’s because they fantasise on the sexualized woman in general. And many of them have fantasy of having sex with lesbians, by a woman or whatever, you know, having a threesome with two men or multiple women.

 

So when you see two women in a relationship, or they’re thinking about his sex, so it’s not really a privilege, it’s just that it’s a less virulent form of queer phobia of homophobia so it’s just the less violence from there will be less likely I want to say there’ll be less likely it doesn’t mean they won’t do it, but they might be less likely to be physically aggressive, while assaults equal a couple who are women or non binary presenting women than they would someone who was trans who was male because they are threatened by that.

 

The threats in their masculinity to see a man with another man. He threatens their masculinity to see a trans woman because what if the X the trans woman out and then find out that she’s a man does that mean that if x healthy man is anything that threatens their masculinity that threatens the idea of What masculinity is or what it means to be a man, that is the thing that they are most violent and aggressive towards. So we look at it from that Buddha Yoda said it’s not really privilege. Just way less violence.

 

Yes, it’s just a little bit less violent. And that doesn’t even apply because you see how in South Africa where, where women are getting rid corrective rape, and all of all that stuff. So it doesn’t really apply everywhere. Maybe you’re lying. Maybe online, they’re a little less violent, because they are sexually fantasising about women than they would imagine. Still, yes, it’s not really privileged.

 

jadesola kareem 15:37

Okay. So like, you mentioned, like, finding like online WhatsApp groups, and that playing a role in like, the community. Like I wanted to ask, are there any other experiences where you found like solidarity, like comfort with being the Nigerian queer sceen like? Yeah,

 

Chima Mmeje 15:59

that’s a good question. So I’m just gonna use my own experience when I came out, or when I was trying to come out and like, learning more about myself, that was the period of 2go. And Blackberry, BlackBerry Messenger. So yeah, BBM . So it was, it was me did a lot of Google on Google, like, black, lesbian, Nigeria, Nigerian lesbian community, just trying to find something.

 

And there was maybe like, that was how I found the first group I joined, actually, the group. Thankfully, they had a, they had a group inside. What’s the name of this thing? I think was Neverland, I can’t remember, they just had a group somewhere that was online. And then there was a phone number you could reach out to and say, hey, I want to be added to the group.

 

And then we’ll verify you to make sure that you are female. And then they will add you to the group. That was actually how I got in see to the Google search if I did not. If I did not find that on Google, I wouldn’t have found that community. So that was how I got in. And then from there, you meet other people who have other groups, and then you start, like, mingling into all these different groups, and they start finding people like you and they start finding friends. And that is how you start finding communities.

 

For some people, it’s on social media. It’s them being realistic, candidly out, maybe with the kind of content they’re putting out, and then somebody will say, Hey, I’m queer, or you quiet too. And then you answer the question. And I think that was how someone found me on on Instagram. I think she had seen my content. And she’s like, Okay, I see you have the rainbow flag there. I’m not going to assume why you quit?

 

Did I say yes. And then she asked me to Whatsapp group and I find some friends in the WhatsApp group. So yeah, it’s It’s always like that. Sometimes social media sometimes is doing a very, very, very, very, very long Google search. But it’s all these different ways. That’s another way that I think people who are trying to find community can start, find someone who is out.

 

And then reach out to them and say, I’m trying to find community, is there any groups you would advise me to join? And then they can put you in contact with people who already have those communities? And that is how you get in.

 

jadesola kareem 18:14

That’s cool. Well, I don’t like physical communities. No,

 

Chima Mmeje 18:20

I don’t they have physical communities. Okay. No, I was gonna say no. So quickly. They are physical companies. And I’m thinking about it. The physical communities. I can’t mention them here because safety. But there are many nonprofits that also have like the social elements to it.

 

So yes, there are physical communities that have meetups that have parties. Oh, damn, that’s Lagos, especially Lagos has on a wall that they have monthly parties, tonnes of parties in Lagos. So in a way that is community because the party is a way for you to meet other people, socialise, exchange contacts, and you know, stay in touch. So yes, they do have that they do have that.

 

jadesola kareem 18:57

Okay. So like Pride Month is almost here. Right? So, what does Pride Month mean to you? What was surprising to you in general? Yeah,

 

Chima Mmeje 19:08

I think in the past, I used to be very apathetic towards pride wounds. The same is about authentic about women’s month. Because if we have to celebrate if we have to set out a sad moment, like the same black history month, if we have to set out a month to celebrate something, then it means that the problem is still huge. It means that there’s still a lot of work to be done, and it’s just, it just feels like we’re not winning.

 

So this is the first time I’m really like feeling the pride spirit, to be honest. And what what that means is that I feel hope for the first time, I feel hope, and I feel hope because I’m not in Nigeria. That is the truth. I feel hope because I’m only Nigeria. I feel hope because I’m finally in a country where I can live my life authentically.

 

You know where that is my partner in public without worrying about somebody coming to put a tie on me I’m balmy today. It’s hard for me to feel For me, it felt hard to feel the pride spirit when I was in Nigeria, so I never really like got into it. But now that I’m here, pride means hope. Pride means freedom. Pride means options.

 

jadesola kareem 20:13

So have you attended any pride month March?

 

Chima Mmeje 20:19

Oh, yes, I can have my first Pride last year towards the London pride. I’m thinking about the memories was amazing, was amazing. It was amazing. I then attended black pride. Okay, that was even more monumental for me. Because it’s one thing to go to the pride that everybody goes through. It’s another thing to go through your product for people who look like you.

 

And then they’re like, 25,000 people, and like, 90% of them are black people that look like you that are also quite like you. It just like shifts your mindset. And you finally feel like I am not alone. These are 1000s of people that look like me and are like me. Look, that was incredible. That was incredible. That’s incredible.

 

jadesola kareem 21:03

Okay, so do you feel like Nigeria? I used to see Lagos pride march but I don’t know if it has actually happened before?

 

Chima Mmeje 21:11

Yeah, I think they did one last year. Last year, they also had, they had a small pride, but I felt so scared. I was I was seen it online. And I felt so scared. You know, oh, man feel too scary. But that’s how all revolution starts, starts with fear. Start with taking the lead starts with some being willing to lay their life down.

 

And I know they’re planning on again in Vegas this year. So yeah, it’s it just starts with that. And then gradually, you start to have will I say One more mainstream acceptance. And it just gets better from there. Hopefully, hopefully.

jadesola kareem 21:51,

Okay, so like, I was talking about, like, coping mechanisms, because actually, so new, there are a lot of queer people in Nigeria you understand it. Like there are a lot of people but they’re still in the closet. Right? Awesome forest. Just a phase.

 

I mean, a lot of people like that, oh, it’s just a phase, I will end up marrying a man I’ve just been. So I wanted to ask for people that are struggling to come to terms with like their identity. Do you have any coping mechanisms for them? Or just anything to save, save? That kind of tthing

 

Chima Mmeje 22:24

coping sounds like if you have an addiction is not an addiction, not something bad? So maybe if I if I would say I would say introspection really helped. It’s asking yourself those, those tough questions and saying, Am I actually just experimenting, you know, am I lying to myself?

 

That’s it straight. And I’m experimenting, because I’m in Nigeria, I don’t think that I would have the option of marrying a woman you know, that’s the thing. When you have limited options, you just go with what is easiest.

 

So many bisexual women, or many bisexual men tend to date opposite sex because that is what is easily available, you know, because it’s easier for you to meet all of the opposite sex, blend in with everybody else. And just like, leave everything else under the radar. I would say Amen. I don’t even have an advice. You guys had an advice for anybody who is trying to like figure that out. You’re trying to figure it out. I’ll say do the introspection.

 

Ask yourself those difficult questions. Is this who I am? Or am I just experimenting? Usually? Yeah, there are people who are just experimenting, I didn’t realise that. Okay. And actually, choir, I just like, the opposite sex, that is fine. But if you do the introspection, and then you realise that okay, there is a part of me that is attracted to people of the same sex or non binary people or trans people or you’re pansexual or whatever label you choose to put on it.

 

Then I feel like the next part is, is that thinking of leaving Nigeria? I’m sorry, but that is it. That is an s party starting you know, you start having your five year plan, your five year plan to get out of Nigeria so that you have the option to explore that was Dustin. Once I once I realised in 2017 that okay, I’m a queer person, I want to come out I want to live authentically I want to marry a woman not a man.

 

Then I understood that the next thing has to be live in Nigeria so that I have the option of dating someone and what happens most of the time in India is that you queer people, or but yes, lesbians or gay men have partners they usually have like long term partner that then at some point, the partner leaves and goes a milestone of the opposite sex because having the family pressure your family starts to guess they start to suspect and then you give into that, you go and do something to please them and then the other person who is resolute in living their authentic queer life is left in the you know, in the gutter, so I never I wanted to be that person who was dating for the sake of dating and I couldn’t see marriage as the entry because I want to get married. I want to have that.

 

So yeah, live in Nigeria, I feel like always is always going to be the best option. I know that there are queer people in Nigeria who are in long term relationships that are happy, but that is a very very, very tiny minority compared to most of the queer population. They actually ended up my sort of the opposite sex you know, I don’t want to I don’t want that for anyone else.

 

jadesola kareem 25:31

Well, yeah, and you’re right. Honestly speaking I when you said that thing about like them having long term partners and then marrying somebody else I just thought about Brokeback Mountain. Have you seen it?

 

Chima Mmeje 25:42

Oh yeah, Obviously I’ve seen brokeback moutain. Oh, God, that movie was incredible man.Brokeback mountain was incredible. But that’s you see, you said that blowback mountain, where one of them is not married, and the other one goes and marries a woman.

 

What is still having sex with his partner and then I’ll come to this uhm will I call it an agreement that for peace to reign, he keeps the wife but he also keeps the partner then the partner never marries the person that he loves because the person that he loves is in the marriage with a, he is in the heterosexual marriage pretending to be straight. It happens a lot in Nigeria.

 

I cannot tell you how many people I know who are gay woman that end up marrying men and still have their partners on the side decide the partner becomes a mistress to be honest, the father becomes the mistress because that is what you are, you are a mistress.

 

So it becomes a compromise and I am not I don’t like compromising. I would never compromise on my happiness. I have no promises on some things, but my happiness is known. Yeah, there is no compromise on my happiness. I always want what is best for me because I’m selfish that way. So

jadesola kareem 26:57

yeah. Yeah, that’s cool. Okay, so I wanted to ask about like, Okay, this final question. So like, what are your hopes and aspirations for the future of accept Nigeria will be because, you know,

 

I have like a few friends you know, it’s until when they are abroad, and everything before school that they feel more comfortable when they’re back in Nigeria is like, understand back in that shell. So yeah, you have any Nigeria? Okay, they won’t be.

Chima Mmeje 27:29
Look, I give up on Nigeria October 20th 2020. Honestly, after that, there is no hope there is no hope for me about Nigeria again. I feel like we regressed 20 years on that day. Every development every close that was done. This appeared on that day. So honestly, I have no hope for Nigeria regarding any pain. So queer whites would be even. Even worse. To be honest, Nigeria has no hope. As far as I’m concerned, Nigeria has no concern. So I still say the same thing. You hear quiet, you know, you’re quiet. Get the fuck out of Nigeria. That is getting fallouts nothing is gonna get better. They still bond keep people alive. People still cannot even okay, they just recently maybe I think they recently changed that we cannot form organisations using the word queer or lesbian or gay things like that. But it’s still so backward, there’s still so much to do. And I feel like if you put yourself in a position where you want to do all that work, you will sacrifice your happiness. That is what it is you have to sacrifice your happiness, your well being I know people who are struggling with like serious mental health, serious anxiety from feeling unsafe in that environment. So yeah, absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

jadesola kareem 28:53

Such is life. Nigeria,

 

Chima Mmeje 28:57

I am selfish, I will tell you to get the fuck out. And just leave it as it is. I know it’s not something everybody can do. I know that not everybody can get out. It took me five years of planning to get out of Nigeria. And there are many people who can not get out even in 10 years who are trapped. I know what that feeling is like to be trapped. There were many nights when I cried myself to sleep.

 

Wondering if I would ever get out of Nigeria. I was dealing with anxiety, I was so unhappy. Because once you come out here, and you can finally kiss your partner in public, you can hold hands in public, you can be touchy feely in public and do PDA in public. It is intoxicating, because you’re coming from a place where if you’re out your partner, you are on your guard, you can’t even hold on to your schedule, you go to dinner or date nights.

 

You’re worried all the time, you know, and you’re looking at all these straight people who are living their best life and you’re just jealous and you’re wondering to him when is that going to be me you know? So? Yeah. If you can get out if you can hands I think made the best of the situation that’s all I can say

 

jadesola kareem 30:06

Wow wow thank you so much Chima

Chima Mmeje 30:09

obviously for sure thank you so much this was this was wonderful This was awesome thank you

Jadesola Kareem

Passionate about content and diversity, Jadesola is a content writer. In her free time, with a cup of coffee in hand, she binges on reality shows.

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